Keeping Children Safe In Church

It’s important to talk about how we can safeguard our children in our churches.

First we’ll consider how to do recruitment for children’s ministry teams and second we’ll look at 3 key aspects of our interaction with children. At our churches we’re entrusted with the care of many children at all sorts of events and we have a big responsibility to protect those children.

Sadly, children are vulnerable to physical, emotional and sexual harm in the very places where they should feel safe – at home, school and in groups and clubs. Particularly vulnerable are younger children and children with disabilities.

The scandals that have shocked us in recent years involved decades of abuse perpetrated by celebrities, respected doctors and senior leaders of organisations, including Christian churches.

There have been over 400 cases of sexual abuse reported in Independent Fundamental baptist churches (IFB) including abuse of both adults and children.

These prove that we cannot bury our heads in the sand.

In fact, the resistance of people within organisations to deal properly with abuse has resulted in many more children being abused…and for much longer.

And it’s not just an historical problem. Children are still being abused. In 2014 the NSPCC reported that

• About 50,000 calls are received by ChildLine from children in the Christmas period alone.
• They also receive about 18,000 calls annually concerning sexual abuse.
• 6,600 UK children were identified as needing protection from physical abuse.
• 130,000 UK children are living in households with a high risk of domestic abuse.
• And it’s estimated that as many as 1 in 20 UK children have been sexually abused. Over 90% of whom by someone they know.

And let’s not pretend that this couldn’t happen in churches or in nice Christian homes because, sadly, it does.

Keeping Children Safe.

We can do a number of things. Let’s look at the process of recruitment for children’s ministry teams and secondly our interaction with children.

First- recruitment.

When someone enquires about joining one of your teams, to work regularly with children, you should insist that they’ve been in regular attendance at church for at least a term. This just means that you get to know them.

Then interview people and explain what the role is about; finally ask the candidate to complete an application form and take up two references.

Anyone arriving at church with the intention of abusing children will probably be put off by these procedures.

Also, you may want to do a background check. What this does is to look through police records for any prosecutions for, or suspicions of, abuse of children.

For Internationals you may ask them to settle at church for longer – for a year; that’s because the background check system is much less reliable for people from abroad. Also, take up two references from their home church.

So… we’ve looked at recruitment- mainly the responsibility of church leaders. But my next point is relevant for all of us- our interactions with children.

And there are 3 key things to remember:

• Keep our actions public
• Keep our physical contact to a minimum
• Know what to do if a child discloses abuse

We’ll look at these in turn.

So first, we need to keep our actions public. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you’re alone with a single child. Or leave a fellow leader with a single child.

All of your groups should have at least two adults leading. And plan how you are going to do toilet trips with younger children (2-5 year olds).

What you need to do is make sure there’s enough leaders to do the toilet trip with two adults, and leave one or two to care for the remainder. If you don’t have enough leaders you might ask the child’s parent to step out of main church for a minute to help, or take all the children to the toilet if you’ve only got a handful.

All this is important to maintain accountability to each other and so minimize the risk of abuse or a false accusation.

Electronic communication (e.g. facebook or email) is another thing to give careful attention.

This is relevant for those working with older children. Remember that the principle is to keep it public – so make sure any contact is always copied to parents or other leaders, and avoid any over-friendly language

Second, keep physical contact to a minimum. Sometimes small children want to cuddle up to us or hold hands etc. At other times a child might need reassurance if they’ve been accidentally hurt during a game or activity.

There’s nothing wrong with that if it’s led by the child, but we must make sure we’re in full view of other leaders and look for a sensitive and early opportunity to end the physical contact.

And for older children and teens we should be avoiding physical contact, unless it’s a reassuring hand on a shoulder, or we need to prevent injury to them or someone else.

And third, we need to know what to do if a child discloses abuse, or we suspect that abuse is happening. This is crucial.

So, imagine the situation where a child trusts you enough to want to tell you that they’re being mistreated in some way, whether that’s through neglect, or physical, or emotional or sexual abuse.

What we do in that situation is really important.

Here’s a 5-point plan, the initial letters of which spell TRAMS to make it easier to remember.

1. Take it seriously. Listen carefully to what the child has to say, and take it seriously, even if a well-respected church member is implicated.
2. Reassure them that they’ve done the right thing, but don’t promise to keep it a secret, even if a child asks you to. There are two types of secrets – Good secrets are about birthday presents and fun surprises; Bad secrets are when someone is being hurt. And we can’t keep that secret.
3. Ask questions to clarify, so that you’re clear about the key facts. But ask reflecting questions-don’t ask leading questions. So, for example let’s imagine that a child says to you that someone in the church has been doing bad things to them. A damaging leading question would be, ‘Oh, is that Reverend Smith?’ Please don’t lead them where they weren’t intending to go. Instead, ask something clarifying like, ‘I see. Would you like to tell me more?’
4. Makes notes straight after the discussion, including dates, times and names etc.
5. Seek help. You must pass it on. We’re not qualified or experienced enough to handle these things.

In your church you need to have designated people with the training to deal with them. In your church meeting rooms you can place child safety cards, usually near the door. On those put the names and numbers of people to contact if you have any concerns about the safety of the children in our care.

It’s important to report what you’ve been told only to one of these designated people. If we tell others then it quickly becomes damaging gossip. And if parents or church leaders or congregation or even one of the people on that contact list are implicated then please don’t tell them.

Seek help if you suspect that abuse is happening, even if it’s not been disclosed to you.

The sad thing is that the vast majority of children who suffer abuse do so at the hands of people they know in the home or elsewhere.

And the recent scandals have highlighted how abusers have continued unchecked for years because the children are reluctant to tell someone and because people won’t believe that that respectable person could be capable of such a thing.

This side of heaven sin is a reality and so we need to believe that people are capable of abusing children.

That way you will report abuse if it’s disclosed to you. After all, the best way to protect the reputation of the church is to protect the children.

So there we have it. We’ve looked at keeping our children safe regarding recruitment for children’s ministry teams and 3 key aspects of our interaction with children. I hope that’s been helpful.